Shadow
I’m awake
I look around
All I can see is a blurr
I try to speak
I make no sound
I feel my heart pound
I hear strange noises
All I can remember is a shadow
A shadow taking me somewhere
It all hits me
My brothers yelling at me
The dog barking
A breeze through my hair
The bell tower ringing
The shadow
I search for it
I start to cry out
Still no sound comes out
I hear something
I freeze
I wait
“Hello Wendy”
I cry out
Its too late
I see a rock
Good night
Totally creepy Emily! WOW! I really liked this, you do a great job with using few words to create a powerful mood. Nicely done! As far as suggestions, add some more description (figurative language would be great) to help the reader "see", "hear" and "feel". Your mood is excellent, bolster it with some strong language. Well done! I'm excited to see the revision.
ReplyDeletei liked it. it is cool
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ReplyDeleteNEW COMMENT: Ya totally creepy Emily. But I love the suspense it keeps me on edge. Yet it could use a little more description. Love it!!!!!
Deletegood story maybe try to make it more scary that would much more exciting.
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