Aspen Colorado
I remember on the fourth of July,
I watched the fireworks fly.
I sat at the base of the hill,
The starry air around me was still.
The mountain was green, and tall,
I sat there amazed feeling small.
The colors so stunning and bright,
Made the darkness turn to light.
The explosions were heard from miles around,
Nothing could top its booming sound.
The fireworks smelt of smoke,
I almost made me want to gag and choke.
After the sky had cleared,
All of the people cheered.
good job ryan you did great
ReplyDeleteGreat job! the only error I saw was on your sentence "I almost made me want to gag and choke." change the I to it.
ReplyDeleteWhoops I didn't mean to put I. But thank you
ReplyDeleteIt was a good poem. I only saaw a couple errors like when you said, "I almost made me want to gag and choke." change the I to it
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I agree with Sadie and Matt! just change the I to it. But besides that you did a good job! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed your poem! Nice rhyme at the end:) It's a good collection of thoughts and emotions about an event--beautiful word choices. To take it to the next level, get rid of some of the articles (like "the") and add some figurative language (like metaphors or similes) to deepen your writing. I'm excited to see where this poem will go!
ReplyDeleteReally good descriptive words, it made put visualize what was happening like I was there. Just fix that error and it will be a great poem. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteNice job! You did a really good job describing the setting and helping visualize it better. Nice choice of words too. Like the four people said before me, just fix the error and it'll be great! Keep up the good work!!
ReplyDelete