The Ghost Orchestra - Revised for December
I was walking home from school one day when I heard a strange sound. It was some kind of music. It sounded old and faint. I started following it to see where it was coming from. I rushed into a field just outside of a forest. I soon reached the forest and stopped near the closest tree.The music seemed louder now. The trees were gnarled and evil-looking. I calmed my nerves and stepped into the cool darkness of the forest. I
I trotted through the trees, quietly listening to the music. I followed the music for hours, waiting for something other than trees. Suddenly, I heard a faint rumbling noise. It was growing louder, and seemed to be coming this way! I stopped and scanned the trees. I saw a strange white glow. I yelled and dove out of the way. When I hit the ground, I saw something pass very quickly. I got onto all fours and looked at the strange thing. It looked like an old horse carriage, traveling in the direction we were going.
Stunned, I sprinted after the horse carriage. How could it be going through the trees, I thought as I dodged thick trees. The music was growing louder and louder. I could now see an old mansion.
It was run-down and brown and green with mold. There was a tree growing through the roof. It looked two-story. The windows were boarded up. The ghost carriage was parked outside. It was quite beautiful. I stealthily crept to the front of the carriage. What I saw shocked us.
The two horses were nothing but skeletons! I started to scream, but remembered that these things were ghosts, and would probably maul me.. I had just stepped out of the way when the horses took off. We walked up to the door and opened it. Inside was a party! Glowing people in fancy dresses and tuxes were dancing with their backs turned to me.In the back was a large orchestra. That's was was causing the eerie music. I walked up to one of the ladies and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned around, I screamed! Her face was a white skull!
We charged out of the house and whipped around. Dozens of fancy ghosts ran right trough the wall! I started sprinting through the trees. In the dark, every limb looked like a skeleton. The mob was right behind us, and their glow enabled me to see. My legs were exhausted, so they gave out. I skidded on the dirt, bounced off a root and soared into the field. As I lay on my face, eating dirt, I waited for cold white hands to grasp me. When nothing grabbed me, I got up and looked at the trees. The ghosts couldn't get through. So, feeling relieved and exhausted, I marched home. That is a true story that I made up.
THE END
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ReplyDeleteFantastic Job! I think you did a very good job explaining and you added very nice details that described what was happening. I like the plot as well. Keep on the good work!
ReplyDeleteThat was an excellent story! You created a perfect picture with your words. You are very descriptive about the character's feelings as well. I love all the details too! Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! Excellent dialogue and description--I like where you are going with this story. What would you think about adding some similes and metaphors to make your descriptions even stronger? Keep up the good work--I'm excited to see where this story goes.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story I loved all of the good details and the wording. One thing that I would like to know is if you could stick with one character instead of two.(The ghost or the skeleton.) Another thing would be to tell the reader if the skeletons/ghosts were chasing you or following you. Over all I thought this was a great story and keep up the good work!!! GOOD JOB!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDelightfully eiree and mysterious. Tickled my spine from the very beginning! I especially liked the descriptions and details! Nice work!
ReplyDeleteAMAZING!!!!!! I loved all of the great adjectives and description words you put in it that made a picture in my mind. Like the words "whipped" and "soared". Keep up the good work. P.S. you should have me in the next story. :)
ReplyDeleteOk. Heh Heh Heh...
DeleteAwesome! I loved the whole idea of the story and especially the funny ending. I would add some figurative language to make it even better though.
ReplyDelete