Lauren Writing Contest
Because Lauren has cancer, she is not able to do a lot of things anymore. She could not play volleyball anymore. She lost her hair to chemotherapy. Sometimes, she can’t go outside. Because of this, her life changed. Lauren couldn’t do some of the things other people do, and she was probably sad. However, Lauren learned to cope with this new and unfamiliar life. On her hospital windowsill, she has two jars. One filled with red pebbles, one with blue. The red pebbles represent bad days, and the blue pebbles represent good ones. The blue jar is usually filled up more than the red jar. This means that her life is starting to get better. Just because she has cancer doesn't mean she can’t do anything. She can still hang out with friends, play board games, listen to music, and have fun. Her cancer is getting better, and so is her life.
Nice story but I have one suggestion. Maybe you could use more compound and complex sentences instead of simple ones and make the sentences a little longer. Other than that, your story was really good! Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the suggestion. I will work on that!
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ReplyDeletegreat job! You made it so that I could really understand what you were trying to say.
ReplyDeleteGood job on synthesizing the facts of the story. However, Gia hit it on the head with advice about switching up your sentences. Making some compound and complex with add depth to your writing. Revise and hand in for your contest! Keep up the good work:)
ReplyDeleteIt's a great story Ethan.
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