I Remember
I remember the day.
The day when everything turned gray.
It was a day when many people cried.
Many people suffered.
Many people died.
This was the attack of 9/11.
The day started normal.
Birds chirping.
Kids playing.
Adults working.
Then it happened.
The people in the two towers didn't know what happened.
But they were scared.
There was so much smoke in the sky.
People were crying.
People were coughing.
People were dying.
We miss the people that died that day.
But as a country we are stronger now.
In the future we will prepare so nothing like this will happen again.
Awesome! one thing, i would change the line where you put the word happened twice in a row. it still works, but maybe find a different word. but overall great post!
ReplyDeleteGood Job Matt! You are a great writer! I don't have any suggestions for you. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Matt really liked it!
ReplyDeleteRhyming is hard because it has to not sound sing-song. I know we talked a bit about this and I like your improvements! 9-11 was terrifying and the rhyme is kind of bright. I'd think about replacing the rhymes with descriptive words to add more emotion in. Now, what you are doing right? Excellent though process and details--I really like where you are going here. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGood job! It would be cool if you could add stanzas that start with "I remember the day," because it would be cool to have a bit of repetition in there.
ReplyDeletegood job matt i loved it!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I love how you really described it!
ReplyDeleteNice job Matt! I liked how you described the people and the day of 9/11. When I try to write something that rhymes, it never works. But you did a really good job! If you started each stanza with "I remember," it might sound cool with repetition. Keep up the good work!!
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