Road Trip
By: Matt Quigley
That day I will remember
I went downstairs to see
looking at all the presents sitting under the Christmas tree.
All I saw were suitcases not knowing what their for.
All I saw was suitcases sitting on that floor.
Wondering what their for, my parents came down stairs.
They said we are leaving once more.
Where we went was secret.
But I've been their'e once before.
So where I went was special where I went was fun.
Where I went was special playing in the sun.
I will always remember that day.
Playing in the sun.
Where I went was special where I went was fun.
Sorry this is my writing contest!
ReplyDeleteI like this poem! It keeps you wondering what is going to happen.
ReplyDeletein the 4th stanza, you should change 'their' to they're.
In the poem, you repeatedly used the line "where I went was special where I went was fun"
I like that, actually. However, I think there should be a comma separating the two halves of the sentence like this:
where I went was special, where I went was fun
This is looking great! I stink at poetry. I can edit, but not really write it.
Good job Matt I think that it is perfect! I like the first paragraph the most because it was very creative. I wouldn't change anything about it. I am not good at poems at all but you are amazing!
ReplyDeleteyou did a good job, i think it was really good. It sort of sounds like a dr.seuss poem (thats a good thing).
ReplyDeleteGood job! I loved your poem very much. I would recommend changing "their" to "they're".
ReplyDeleteGood advice from other writers here. Fun poem Matt! We've done that in my family, Christmas vacations are the best. To take your poem to the next level, add some simile and metaphors to paint your emotions for the reader. For example, how did your parents come downstairs? Were they "loud as elephants" or "as quiet as mice"? Think of some creative ways to tell what you saw, heard and felt. Good work!
ReplyDelete