Prologue
As the snow fell it tickled the nose of the two young six-year-old girls, the cold turning their face's rose red, causing the freckles on the first girl to stand out. They giggled and threw powdery white lumpy snowballs at each other then ducking under their forts, only to pop up seconds later and firing again. Their mini war went of for hours until their hands went numb and they couldn't feel their toes. They hurried inside and pulled off their soaking wet gloves and ice-covered boots. "I'm glad we got a break for once." Sky smiled at her best friend Alice. Little did they know, that was the last snowball fight they'd ever have with each other.
Sky left the next day, they said she didn't make it. The 'academy' said she didn't quite make the cut, she wasn't good enough to get in. We didn't know why. Then.
This academy was for special kids, not like kids that excel, well, it could be that... but... it was for strange children. We had magic, the ability to do stuff others couldn't do. Running faster then a cheetah, or disappearing into thin air, changing into animals, and manipulating elements. If you took everyone is the school, you'd be able to do anything.
Sky left the next day, they said she didn't make it. The 'academy' said she didn't quite make the cut, she wasn't good enough to get in. We didn't know why. Then.
This academy was for special kids, not like kids that excel, well, it could be that... but... it was for strange children. We had magic, the ability to do stuff others couldn't do. Running faster then a cheetah, or disappearing into thin air, changing into animals, and manipulating elements. If you took everyone is the school, you'd be able to do anything.
But, would you give up everything to know something like this? Would you be willing to trade your friends for endless power? To only have maybe 23 kids ever around? To always have someone watching you to make sure you won't escape? To be Isolated from the outside world? Would you be willing to protect your life to be trapped forever?
I'm hooked--this is great! I love the tone you are setting, already there is suspense and strong word choices and figurative language is really adding to it:) I love where this is going and am excited to read more. As far as suggestions, I'm maybe try to slip in ages since you are giving a good exposition. Also, change many to mini. Great work--keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI'll fix that right now.
DeleteI liked it, I love how much detail you are putting into it and how descriptive you are about it. It is really good and I can't wait to read more. Keep it up and don't stop coming up with the ideas :)
ReplyDeletegreat job! It was really good other than the last part of the paragraph i got a little confused at what was happening. But that's just me keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI love how descriptive your writing is the first sentence really captures the reader but the last paragraph got a little confusing but other than that it was amazing.
ReplyDelete