January Post

Looking back, I realized something. Every little thing adds up to the whole, right? All the puzzle pieces can create a puzzle? Well, all those little things made me who I am now. From the smallest word to the biggest heartbreak. There's nothing that hasn't sharpened or softened me into the sarcastic, dry, lonely person I am now. 

From that time in 3rd grade when I decided that piano just wasn't for me and- get this- I wanted to play the guitar. Now I'm performing for people and writing my own music. That would have never happened if I hadn't felt jealous of my older brother, the "child prodigy". I've found something that helps me escape from the world and immerses me in the world of music.

From the time I had some major friend problems last year due to some unfortunate rumors. Now I've figured out who are my real friends and the people that I should probably stay away from. I've learned that trust is something that should be handled delicately.

From the time I watched the movie "Warm Bodies" for the first time. That's where I first developed my sense of humor; if you could call it that. My resume of jokes mainly consist of sarcasm, dead, anti-humor that most people either groan at or don't understand. 

From the time I ate grapefruit for the first time and I learned that that was a nasty, nasty fruit and it gave me headaches. I've never eaten grapefruit since. Bad, bad grapefruit.

From the time I read "Fault in Our Stars". That book changed me so much. I had never sobbed more over fictional characters in my life. It changed my view on life entirely. I relate myself to Hazel Grace; if that's good or bad I have no idea, but looking at things the way she did really changed my  life. I threw the book at a wall and sobbed for three hours. I regret nothing.

From the time my cousin Kai was born. He has severe autism, but he's one of the most loud, hilarious, crazy kids I know. He's only 4 years old, but he doesn't know how to talk. But that doesn't stop him from voicing his opinion on whether that celery is yummy or not. He'll bounce up to you and hit you with his "pillow", and then run away giggling like a maniac. Now I find myself spending time with Special Ed kids because I found I love being with and being around them. 

From the time I've had the surgery on my birthmark in 2nd grade. Through all the hardships and trials with pills, doctor appointments, and skin treatments, I've stayed positive(at least I've tried). Everyone has their difficulties in life, and I guess this is one of mine. I've accepted myself the way I am, scar tissue and all.

From the time my littlest brother was born. Yikes. I already have an older brother and another younger, so when I found out that Gavin wasn't going to be a girl, I may have cried. But I love Gavin for who he is! He may seem shy around strangers, but at home he will loudly sing opera, do some pretty awesome dance moves, and watch Bob the Builder 24/7. He's a big reason why I'm so happy all the time: I get to come home from school on Friday to help him read his Chinese books.

From the discovery of a band to the stub of a toe, I'm a completely different person than I was maybe a year ago. People don't like the new me, but I like it. I can finally feel comfortable in my own skin instead of itching at the places that feel as if I'm trying to be someone else. I can be as loud or as quiet as I want to be. I feel so much better now that I've been honed down to what am I now. I am proud of the person I am. Through all the things that have broken me down, I have friends and family(and food) to build me back up when I've fallen. I've fallen a lot, frankly, but I'm always pushed back up to try again. All the little things have made me, me. 

And I'm darn glad.