I read Edward Hirsch's "Cotton Candy". I really like how it was really descriptive and I could picture everything.
Home Run!
I step up to the plate, swing my bat a few times.
The tension is thick in the air.
I get ready, heft my bat.
I watch the pitcher as he signals to the catcher.
Two outs, bottom of the ninth inning.
Everything is riding on this hit.
The pitcher winds up and hurls a fastball.
I swing, hoping, wanting, the bat to connect.
CRACK!
The ball soars over the fence.
Home run.
I run to first, second, third base.
Sprinting to home.
I slide into home and score the winning point.
Then I wake up from my dream in math.
This is awesome! I loved the surprise ending because I wasn't expecting it. Maybe tell a little bit more like, more detail about the dream or what happened after you woke up. But great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing poem!! I loved how you described the way you ran the bases and then you scored the winning point only for it to be a dream. You could have added something about the weather or the crowd screaming your name, but other than that it was great. Awesome poem.
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty funny. I like you added the surprise ending. It made me laugh. I also liked how you described the setting.
ReplyDeleteI love how in the end, it was really a dream. I would just add a little more to your poem. For example: how it feels before you get up to the plate. Over all, great job!
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