I watched the poem of Edward Hirsch’s “Cotton Candy” and I really liked that poem. It was very descriptive and I could picture myself being there. He was very good at explaining and telling the story of him and his relative.
MY POEM
It is very beautiful and windy.
The sand gets in my eyes,
and everywhere else on my face.
There is a big hill,
that we are going to climb.
The soft sand feels good
against my bare feet.
We trudge slowly up the hill,
and when we get to the top,
amazing views surround.
We run down the large
sand dune, very fast.
Wind is in my face,
sand is blowing everywhere,
and finally we make it back.
We grab a water bottle and take
big gulps, until the
whole bottle is gone.
As we pack up and leave,
we knew we had so much fun.
My poem was about when my cousins and I went to the sand dunes by hurricane. We had so much fun & It was fun to look at how pretty the sand dunes were. We were very thirsty by the time we got back but it was worth climbing up the tall sand mountain.
Very Good! I liked that you described very well what it was like climbing the sand dune. Although, It would have been better if you had described how you felt, and if you gave it a different title. Besides that, great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWonderful Job!! I loved how you said that you were so thirsty that you drank the whole water bottle. I also loved the way you described it as a windy day. I agree with Locklin though, it might have been a little better if you described how you felt about the experience. Other than that, amazing job. Great Poem!!
ReplyDeleteExcellent! I love the description you used. It painted a picture in my mind about how that day was like. I agree with the other two, you should describe how you felt.
ReplyDeleteBaylee! You are an amazing writer! You are so talented! I really liked your poem because I could see everything in my head, and it felt like I was there. The only thing that you should do is like what everyone else said, describe you you felt. Keep up the good work!
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