Him or Her
He cried
He shouted
He wanted to be free
She laughed
She giggled
She was having the time of her life
He held on screaming
She threw her hands up
They grew close together
They came to a screeching stop
They flew forward
“Boy, that was the best roller coster ever!”
Great poem. I like how you put that they were on a roller coaster at the very end. However, coaster is spelled wrong. I would add more punctuation, also. Besides that, it looks perfect to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sierra, coster "coaster" is spelled wrong!! but other than that, it was great!! I really liked how you painted a picture in my mind!!
ReplyDeleteWow!! I love how you made it so descriptive, I actually felt like I was there! I like how you made them bond in the story, and again "coaster", but other than that I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteWow!! I love how you made it so descriptive, I actually felt like I was there! I like how you made them bond in the story, and again "coaster", but other than that I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteEmily! I love how you didn't put much, yet it was descriptive! At first, I thought it was going to be depressing but at the end I laughed. I loved this, and I just think you should make it a bit longer, and the "coaster" spelling. Keep writing, you'd be doing everyone a favor! Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteOh Emily. You had me scared! The end was my favorite part. The only errors I caught were that coster is spelled "coaster" and maybe make it a little bit longer to add more suspense! Over all great job!
ReplyDeleteHa, that was the first thing I said when I read this. But I mean that I laughed because it was funny, not that it was stupid. I also agree with Taylor that you made it really descriptive without having many words. Keep it up. :D
ReplyDeleteEmily that was really good! I liked all of the detail and the ending was very well written. I liked how at the end it says that they were on a roller coaster. It ties it all together. One thing that I would fix is in the last stanza it says "coster" I would change that to "coaster" but other than that is was awesome!
ReplyDeleteEmily that was really good! I liked all of the detail and the ending was very well written. I liked how at the end it says that they were on a roller coaster. It ties it all together. One thing that I would fix is in the last stanza it says "coster" I would change that to "coaster" but other than that is was awesome!
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing!! The detail was very good and I really like the ending. Just explain what was happening before. Other than that it was very well written.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started reading this, I seriously thought it was about the emotional differences between a boy and a girl. Last few lines cleared that up pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteI think you should rephrase the last stanza a bit so that one line, you are left with the realization that it was just a rollercoaster. The next leaving you laughing at the boy's reaction to the whole thing. It's up to you, though.