Journey To The Center Of The Earth

Part 1

On Rocktober 33, 4200, a man named Mr. Dude was eating faucets in a cup of beans. Mr. Dude is a 31.37215839 year old man who really likes to eat faucets. He took out his pencil to check the news and something terrible happened. Here is what it said. “The faucet company has a new rule making it illegal to eat more than 72 faucets a day. If caught, you have to pay a 334456724 eraser fine and have 43.5768295 years in prison.” Mr. Dude was all like, “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Mr. Dude had to do something. He could not live without eating all the faucets he wants. Then he came up with an idea. If I want to get rid of the law, I would have to take over the faucet company, but how am I going to do that? Then it came to him. I have to get to the center of the Earth! But he couldn’t do it alone, it would be too boring. He exited his cup of beans using his magic chair leg. Who should I bring along with me? An ice cream? Nah. A person? No. A green drug free wristband thingy? Nope. A Monopoly 10 eraser bill? Perfect. So he set off towards the grocery store with Mr. Eraser the Monopoly 10 eraser bill.

“Can I have a faucet?” said Mr. Eraser.

“No way! These are my faucets!”

They entered the grocery store and found the perfect place to start.

“Okay Mr. Eraser, this is it.”

“This is so exciting!”

“Yep but don’t get too enthusiastic, our plan might fail.”

“Yeah, I do have this feeling that we are forgetting something.”

“You are.” said the store manager. “You forgot your pencil.”

So Mr. Dude used his magic chair leg and entered his cup of beans and looked around for a bit.

“Here it is.”

“Yay!” exclaimed Mr. Eraser.

So with the magic chair leg, they exited the cup of beans, and Mr. Dude was ready to begin.

“How are you going to get there?” asked Mr. Eraser.

“Simple, by eating faucets.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

Mr. Dude ate a faucet and a one mile hole with a diameter of 3 sideways bookshelves long.

“Geronimo!” yells Mr. Dude as he jumps down.

Mr. Dude and Mr. Eraser use their hover couches to get down through the first mile of the Earth’s crust. Mr. Dude ate another faucet and another mile was uncovered. He then ate twenty three more faucets. They entered the mantle. Magma was everywhere, except in the hole.

“This is stupid.” said Mr. Eraser. “It’s really boring. It’s not like we didn’t already know exactly what was down here.”

“Don’t worry, it stops being boring when you get 27 miles down.” He ate another faucet. “You would think going through molten rock would be fun. Luckily it will be fun soon, though.” He ate another faucet. “Yay! It’s not boring anymore.”

“Do you know where all this area we are clearing is going?” asked Mr. Eraser.

“Who cares, it’s not like it’s replacing the atmosphere and going to destroy the Earth and make it the perfect time for The Resisty to undo it’s ‘shrinky self-destruct’ and try to escape Earth and have to destroy the so called ‘atmosphere’ causing it to fall to ground crushing everything, and don’t even ask me how that works.”

“The Resisty is a stupid name. They so should have gone with the name Pirate Monkeys. And why would it be the perfect time for them to escape?”

“Don’t ask me, I said that this won’t happen.”

“True, but if the Mantle is 1800 miles thick, how are we going to get through it if you can only eat 72 faucets a day?”

“Oh crap.”

After eating 46 more faucets they started going back up.

“Does it seem darker to you?” asked Mr. Eraser.

“Well no dip, of course it’s darker. It’s 143.5786921 o’crick!”

“Oh. And why are we going up anyways? We don’t need to go up to use the magic chair leg.”

“Good idea.”

So they entered the cup of beans and died. Next morning they came back alive and looked at the news on Mr. Dude’s pencil. “The faucet company has won the award for the most awesome law ever in the history of everness. Also, part of the atmosphere was replaced by stone and lava. But who cares about that, it’s not like the atmosphere and going to destroy the Earth and make it the perfect time for The Resisty to undo it’s ‘shrinky self-destruct’ and try to escape Earth and have to destroy the so called ‘atmosphere’ causing it to fall to ground crushing everything.”

“Of course not, why would that happen? And how did they get that award?” asked Mr. Eraser.

“Because Mr. Scervierugh the seventeenth decided to eat a carrot.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

Part 2 coming soon...