Fall (revised)
I love Fall
I love it all
When the weather gets cooler
and no need for computer
When you hear the crisp leaves
So its time for some sleeves
So its time for some sleeves
I love Fall
I love fall
I love it all
When its cloudy in the sky
and time to eat pie
and time to eat pie
I love fall
I love fall
I love it all
When it’s time for the fire
and time to retire
When theres a cool breeze
and it makes you freeze
It’s time for fall!When theres a cool breeze
and it makes you freeze
Great Job Annie I really liked the idea of this poem!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would add is some more adjectives to describe fall a little more but other than that it was FANTASTIC!
Nice, I really liked how you rhymed pretty much everything in it and how well it put a picture into my head. I agree with Shayli though, I think you need to add a few more adjectives for more description about fall. Keep up all the great work!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Annie, I love the way your words flow with each other. Try adding in some adjectives particularly describing the color of fall. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteMan, I love Fall too...Unique take with computer, glow, humming, etc. I like those a lot. I'd like you to revise--your poem doesn't have to rhyme. Focus instead on vibrant words (adjectives and verbs) that will paint a picture in your reader's head. You want them to be able to smell, taste, see and hear Fall.
ReplyDeleteGood job Annie. You are really good at writing poems. I liked they way you rhymed a lot in your poem. My favorite line is when you said "When the weather gets cooler, and no need for computer". Though the only thing that I think you should change is that you should add a little more detail on the things that you described. Otherwise it is perfect.
ReplyDelete