Monday, October 20, 2014

Rebekah: Majestica Prologue Part Two



                “Makala,” I kneeled by the place she had vanished and hoped she would appear again, but the sound of bells didn’t come and she didn’t appear again, smiling like nothing had ever happened.
                Someone swore softly right outside my door and small thuds of footsteps accompanied it heading toward the end of the hall, where my sister lay in bed, probably sound asleep.
                Out of natural instinct, I opened the door as quietly as I could and peeked out of the hall. A person with the hood of the large jacket pulled over their head stood in front of my sister’s door covered in smiley faces, dogs and cat stickers. In the middle of the white door, a small picture with four way-better-than-stick-figures and a detailed dog colored in sea blue crayon was captioned, “My Family”. She always had the artistic talent in her, but right now the picture didn’t matter. A trespasser was outside of my sister’s door, wanting to do something with her.
                The intruder pulled back a sleeve of his heavy woolen black jacket to reveal a red and black bracelet looking mark. As soon as I saw the mark, fear washed over me. The hood fell off and the man under was revealed. The hall grew colder, sending goosebumps up my arm. I put on my crimson robe and peeked back out eh door. At that moment, I knew who this person was, why he was here, and what he was about to do. I felt paralyzed. Mom and dad have warned me about him for many years, but I never he thought he’d take a chance and actually do it.
                I wanted to crawl out my window and run away and stay away forever so I wouldn’t have to watch. I wanted to charge at the trespasser and tackle him. I wanted to run to my mom and dad and cry to them, like I used to when I was younger.
                The door to her room creaked open, and the intruder took a step forward with an evil grin on his face. Inside the room, my sister stirred in her sleep, and her smile changed into a worried face as she whimpered and curled up into a ball.
                “At last,” he said in a voice that sent a shiver down my spine, “At last! She’s mine!”

4 comments:

  1. Hey guys! Rebekah again with my part two of the prologue some of you have been bugging my about! Hope you enjoy it! Part three is also going to be posted this month too so I can get at least half of my story on here before the end of the year! thanks for the feed back last month! It really inspired me! If you give me your emails before the end of the year, I can send you parts of the story I wasn't able to post on here! Again, loved your feedback! Stay Uni-Kitty awesome guys!!!!
    -Rebekah!

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  2. And the plot thickens! Keep up the good descriptions. Try to weave in some metaphor and similes to add variety to your writing. This passage in particular had really strong verbs and adjectives and made it really easy for me to picture what was happening. Well done!

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  3. Well done Rebekah. I really like the description and the mystery man was really exciting. I was wondering, when you were writing did you mean 'and peeked back out eh door.' or 'the door?'

    Otherwise, really good job.

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  4. the door. Thanks for clarifying that!

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