Journey To The Center Of Earth
Once upon a time there was a boy named Matt Van Gils. He was a young Lava Ridge student and had brown hair, brown eyes and was very athletic. One day he was talking to his true love and he looked away for a split second and when he looked back she was gone! He had to do something but he didn’t know where to look. Luckily there was a note on the ground that said,”
“I am taking her to my lair which is in the center of the earth. If you want her back you have to come down and kill me!!!!”
-T Rex
Luckily he already had a ticket to a trip there and back so he left immediately. when he got there he found T Rex’s secret hideout and killed the dinosaur and matt returned to America and him and lived happily ever after!!!!!!
THE END
Kyler, I want you to revise this and add a lot more. More plot and descriptions. I'll look forward to the revision:)
ReplyDeleteUm, I am a little confused why its about me... And I don't even like Emily so.... Anyways there are some things you could do a little bit better. I feel like you could put a bit more effort into it, and there a little bit of punctuation mistakes, but besides that its pretty good.
ReplyDeleteYes, please don't add other student's names, not okay to embarrass anyone. Kyler, please change this right away or I'll need to take it down.
ReplyDeleteInteresting plot line, but hey it works. But yes remember not to use other peoples' names in your writing without permission to do so. Also, I would consider changing this line:
ReplyDelete"One day he was talking to his true love and he looked away for a split second and when he looked back she was gone!"
to something like this:
"One day while he was talking to his true love, he looked away for a split second and when he looked back, she was gone!"