Monday, October 27, 2014

Accidents Prologe

                                              Before the Accident


“O.C, get down here now!”  my mom yells as she got ready to go to Wal-Mart.  “Can’t I stay home?”  I yell back, “I’m responsible enough!”  “Get down here and we will talk about it!”  My mom could be a pretty laid back woman, however she wasn't that woman often.  “Frank, do you have the grocery list?” I heard my mom ask my dad as I pulled on my combat boots and leather jacket and climbed down the stairs.  “Of course I have it Sarah, geez you need to loosen up.” my father’s gentle voice full of confidence said. Before my mother could start whining I asked “May I please stay home?”  I see my father’s short cut raven black hair and strong figure as well as my mother’s brick red straightened ponytail and runner like body.  

“No, now what are you wearing”  

“Of course you can.” says my father as he cuts off my mother from criticizing my outfit.

“Sarah, she hardly ever as time to herself.  I’m sure she will be fine for one hour, right O.C.”  he winks as he looks at me.  

“You know I will, I might be reading The Maze Runner the whole time anyway.”
“Ugh, fine, however if I come home and the house is a mess you are grounded til the day you die.” says my mother with a voice as sharp as glass.    
“Ta ta you need to get going Wal-Mart closes in three hours.  Bye love you.” I say as I close the door and lock it.

  “For heaven’s sake Frank, you can’t even let your daughter walk down the driveway alone, do you truly trust her to be safe on her own for an hour.” Suppressing a laugh as they drove in their 1997 Audi A4 Sedan, down Canyon boulevard, Frank said.  “Hun, she is sixteen I’m pretty sure she can’t burn the house down just yet.”   

“But, Frank what if she”

“She will be just fine Sarah, loosen up a little it gives you worry lines.”

“Frank!” Sarah whined, she was absolutely concerned about her appearance especially when she hits the town.  “She will be fine Sarah.”  said Frank as he reached over to grab his wife’s hand.  “Husband’s oath.” Blushing terribly, Sarah grabbed her husband’s hand and looked into his eyes.  “I’m worried about her, Frank.”  Frank turned returning her gaze  “I know, Sarah, I know.”  All of a sudden a bright light light up the car, glass shattered everywhere, and Sarah and Frank saw their lives flash before their eyes.

“Frank!  Frank!  Are you okay!” Sarah screamed as she saw her husband’s head pressed up against the steering wheel.  Carefully, she pulled Frank’s head up with her left hand, if these were his last moments she wanted him to be the last thing he saw not the steering wheel which was sticky with bright red blood.  “Sarah.” Frank mumbled barely audible.  “Frank, it will be okay, you got that don’t even think about dying on me.  Frank do you hear me don’t die on me okay.” Sarah’s voice cracked as she felt her head spinning and a sticky liquid run down her forehead.  Tugging her right hand out from between the door she reached up and touched the blood that now had almost reached her mouth.  “Frank, don’t die.” Sarah said before everything went dark.

6 comments:

  1. ahhhh!!! Left me hanging and I wanted to keep reading! Very good story! On the part where it says " No, now what are wearing" was there supposed to be a "you" in there? Also whenever there is dialogue and you say said mom or something like that, I think it should be a comma instead of a period inside the quotations. Just fix those few little mistakes and you will be good:) Super great writing !! And keep on using your descriptive words for the colors. It sounds really good!

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    1. Thank you I will work on that and the next part I posted in September

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  2. You are such a talented writer! I love the details--really makes your writing come alive and sounds like an excerpt from a novel. My advice would be to check your margins and formatting so it looks like a novel. Also, have as many people read this as possible so you can get a good view of what your reader's think. Well done!

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    1. Okay, I will work on that thank you.

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  3. Good story! lots of details. Just notice one error:

    "my mom yells as she got ready to go to Wal-Mart."
    should be like:
    "my mom yells as she gets ready to go to Wal-Mart."
    or
    "my mom yelled as she got ready to go to Wal-Mart."

    because the words "yells" and "got" and talking about to periods of time in the same sentence. Past and present. You should make those words have the same time period.

    That might have not made sense.

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  4. I loved it, your story was so intersecting. Great job, you do have lots of good details that grabs that reader's attention. If you could changed something it would be to take out one light in the second to last paragraph. Example: All of a sudden a bright light light up the car. Other then that is was awesome!

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