Getting Lost at School
I am going into the 1st grade.
My mother takes me to a strange place.
She takes me to a nice women.
Then the women asks me to step outside.
She said that she needed to talk to my mom alone.
So I wandered around this new place.
So I wandered around this new place.
Then I realized something so horrible.
I was lost.
I didn't know how to get back to my mom.
I wanted to go home.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted my mom.
Then I saw a woman I recognized.
It was my mothers best friend!
She took my to my mother.
I hugged my mother.
She picked me up and said, let’s go.
As we were leaving she asked if liked my new school.
Good start, but you need to add a lot more. If you are writing from the view of a 1st grader, how would he describe things? What would he see, think and feel? You need to help your reader "feel" what the speaker would be going through. Please revise and repost.
ReplyDeleteI really like where the story is going, but as a first grader describe how things look. for example. How the teacher looked, how your mom looked, and how your surroundings looked as well. Other than that, It was really good
ReplyDeleteNice Job Matt. You are really good at writing poems. I really liked how you didn't Rhyme at all in your poem, for some reason every time I try to make a poem there is a lot of Rhyming. Though the only thing that I think you should added is a little more detail and description on how you felt and what the class room liked like. That is all that I would change otherwise it is perfect, in my opinion.
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