Sunday, November 2, 2014

Fall

Fall!!!

Fall starts in October and November,

and then it ends in December.

 Then as the hot summer disappears like a dying ember,

we enter the cool weather in November.

Once the weather starts to cool,

we then go back to school.

Then the birds flying south fill the sky,

while the plants turn brown and dry.

Then the crispy leaves fall down,

and pumpkin pie is smelt from miles around,

and the gold, and red leaves carpet the ground.

Then we have a great Thanksgiving feast,

But once you're done you feel like your stomach has increased.

Then you eat delicious pumpkin pie,

that tastes so good that you could eat it till you die.

 

7 comments:

  1. Great job I love the rhythm, I also love how you describe fall, but it could use a little more punctuation, but otherwise it looks great!!!

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  2. It's not a bad poem. You have a fun creative way of making poems which is very good. But you could work on your punctuation just a little bit more. Because having good punctuation is really important. You also are rhyming just a little bit too much. It's fun to have rhymes in poems but you kind of took it too far.

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  3. You did a really good job! I love how you describe fall! Use some more punctuation though, it'll sound even better if you do. Also, don't get lost in rhyming. It makes it more unique if you don't rhyme. Great job!

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  4. I thought that the rhyme was really good, it just went on for way to long. Maybe if you did it so every other line rhymed, it makes it sound more complex. I thought that it was a great poem though. Nice job.

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  5. Good comments above. The rhyming was ok for me too but it did stretch-out way too long. I like your unique imagery like the smell of pumpkin pie stretching or the way the leaves carpet the ground. As you revise, I'd like you to focus on creating more of those beautiful images and trying some more varied, complex rhymes.

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  6. I loved this poem! I would recommend fixing the punctuation. Other than that it was great.

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  7. [November post]

    Nice Poem. You stayed on topic and the poem had good imagery.

    One thing that I would change is the repetition of the word 'then'.
    Try to use other transition words.

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