ATTENTION! BEFORE YOU READ THIS, I BEG OF YOU TO READ THE PROLOGUE AND THE OTHER PARTS OR ELSE THIS WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
At
the restaurant, we all huddled in the one-person bathroom and made sure the
door was locked. “Have you all had
the dream?” Madi said the word ‘dream’ in a creepy voice, causing Linda to hide
behind my legs and squeeze my hand, “I’ve had it for the past week.” She pulled
a flashlight out of her pocket and shown it on her face. It made her fair skin
look ghostly pale and her light green eyes were almost white. Her
almost-white-blond hair seemed whiter than ever, making her look like a ghost. “The
dream was terrifying!” she said in her creepy voice. When Linda shrieked, Madi
laughed and turned off the flashlight, putting it back into her pocket of her
shorts.
“I
sure have,” Margo said, with a faint Canadian accent, sitting on the closed
toilet. Marco nodded next to Margo in her wheelchair, her brown hair up to her
shoulders bounced up and down. The twins looked exactly alike; except Margo had
hazel eyes and Marco had brown. They both had tan skin and short brown hair
that barely grazed her shoulders. Not only that, they were both Canadian.
“That’s
not why I called you guys.” Nadili insisted, but no one paid attention.
“It
was really scary. Some scary shadows popped out at me and someone was saying
something to me. He said something about the prophecy, the one I learnded a
little bit about in a book. He also said something about us being the ones in
the prophecy. I’m scared.” Linda said, ignoring her sister. She shivered and
scooted closer to me.
Bree
pulled a thick, purple book stamped with golden patterns out of a teal backpack
she had brought with her and opened to a page, beginning to read.
Sorry, little mistake after the first sentence on the part where Madi is speaking. It's supposed to be on the next row down.
ReplyDeleteLoving this! Okay, here is some editing to help you along. When you use more that one adjective to describe one noun, you'll need to add a dash and created a hyphenated modifier. For example: light-green eyes. Just a small thing, but when you submit a manuscript for publishing, you'll want to have all that taken care of. I love that you are posting a lot to get feedback. You want to make sure your readers can follow the plot.
ReplyDelete