Journey to the Center of the Earth
Once upon a time, there was a Scientist named Dr. Charles. It was getting to the moment in time that he goes and discovers new things with new technology. An idea struck him. “Why don’t we build a submarine to drill to the center of the Earth,” He said. He told his employees to put all of the things on it we might need. He also built suits just in case.
He assigned Locklin captain and Ethan first officer. “Awesome,” Ethan said. “I can’t wait,” said Locklin. After several months of building they got ready and took it outside. They had a drill on the sub so they drilled through the crust, made of very hard and crusty minerals.
Eventually they reached the mantle. On the way, they saw lots of aluminium and iron. It was very big and filled with lots of plasticy, gooey lava. “I gotta take a picture of this!” Ethan said. “Is the pressure and the heat of the ship holding?”, Locklin asked. “Yes captain.”
After a LONG time, they finally reached the outer core. “Hows the pressure gauge?”, Locklin said. “It went up, but it’s still good,” he replied. On the way, they saw plenty of iron and sulphur. The pressure went up drastically, and Locklin was starting to get worried.
Finally, they had reached the inner core. They saw lots of iron and it was very dense from the pressure. “Sir, the pressure gauge is reaching dangerously high,” Ethan said. “Mmmmm…perhaps we should turn back.” Then he heard Ethan say, “First I want to get a picture of that giant rock of fire hurtling towards the sub,” “GET OVER HERE!,” Locklin screamed. As Ethan ran to the back of the sub, the rock hit the front of it, making a giant hole in the sub. Suddenly, the ship started to shrink and they were being pulled to the center of the Earth. The engines couldn’t fight the force of gravity, Locklin had to think of something quick.
He had an idea. “Ethan! fire all torpedoes!” “Good idea!” Ethan said. The explosion of the torpedoes had enough force to push them through the inner core and the outer core. When they reached the mantle, the flow of the plasticy lava caused them to shoot straight through the hole they came through. They shot up a hundred feet up in to the air and they were very lucky to have survived that fall. When they recovered, Locklin told Dr. Charles, “Everything was exactly as you predicted Dr..” “Accept that there are giant balls of fire,” Ethan added in. Dr. Charles, Locklin, and Ethan resumed normal life and got ready for their next mission. By Locklin Hammett
Great start! I like the idea and the familiar names:) As you revise, read it out loud to yourself to catch some grammar errors. Also, add more detail and description to paint a picture in your readers' heads. Double-check your margins too, they are a little wonky. I really enjoyed your story--keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGood work! I like the story and the humor! More details would help it though.
ReplyDeleteHeh...you almost killed me! It got a little confusing when the characters were talking. Good job!
ReplyDeletevery good locklin try to be even more descriptive
ReplyDeletevery good locklin try to be even more descriptive
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool. I like the dialogue and the story line. One thing that didn't make sense, is the inner core in it. The inner core is solid, so you cant swim around in it in a submarine.
ReplyDelete