July 24th,
I am starting this journal to keep a record of my travels. It is the 24th of July and I am in an enclosed governmental facility located in the northern side of Canada. I traveled here from Phoenix, Arizona.
It Is extremely cold.
Several months ago, Scientists confirmed a our deadly fate. The sun was going to die. In order to survive we needed heat. Our closest source of heat: the core of the earth. My mission is to aboard the SSD Colony and serve as a boiler room worker along with 175 other men. It is extremely hard work and many will die. But I am prepared to serve.
Our job is to reach the core and start settlement. Using the latest technology given only to the Global Government, we should be able to stand the pressure and heat.
I am alone. I have no one but myself.
Core colonization will not save us, but will only prolong our cursed lives.
-Jonathan Smith
I liked how much detail you used. You described your surroundings very well. The only thing I would recommend is maybe to maybe describe yourself and what your feelings are. This is actually really good. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI will consider your suggestion for the next Journal entry. It will be more focused on how he is feeling.
ReplyDeleteDang, you are a good author. I loved how the guy went from Phoenix and went to Canada, and says its cold. Made me laugh. But I think that you should describe why the things that are happening are happening. I do get why they are going to the center of the earth, but I want to know WHY! Why is the sun dying. Give me the WHYS!
ReplyDeleteIt was a good entry, you went into details and that was pretty good. I kind of wish you could say why this happened. Or how this happened. That was one of the only things that I saw that you couldve done better. But it's an overall good entry.
ReplyDeleteThis is really cool. I really like how you have Canada in this. It would be cool if you could add the year. Good job, I'm looking forward for more the story.
ReplyDeleteLove this--excellent teaser to a larger work. I like the journal format too. Yes, add more about your character. I'm guessing this is the "exposition" of your story so the more info.you add, the better. I'll look forward to reading more, this is great!
ReplyDeleteIt was very realalistic to what someones journal would sound like. It might be good to include the full date for your next post. I think it was very realistic to what really might happen, if you are going to menchion the sun dying out completly in one of your future storys you may want the sun to explode and turn into a black hole, if you want to...
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