The Man
He woke up from bed. It was a very cold morning, and it was snowing outside. Jack, a twelve year old boy, slim built, average height, short blond hair, put some clothes on and walked downstairs for breakfast.
"Hey mom, what's for breakfast?", Jack asked. No reply. "Mom?", Jack said again. He searched the house. The basement, the bedroom, the living room, the back yard, but he didn't find her. Then he thought he'd check the front yard to see if her car was there. He opened the blinds, and he saw a man wearing boots, a leather jacket, pants, and the strangest thing of all, a mask. All of the man's clothes were black. It creeped him out a little, because the man was just standing there, not moving, staring at him, in the street.
He decided to call his mom, so he dialed the number on his cell phone, and she answered. No, it wasn't his mother, it was a man, laughing a slow, evil, laugh. That freaked him out. Then, Jack said to himself, in a low whisper, "What if that was the man outside". He chuckled a little, and then pushed the thought aside. He sat on the sofa. He looked outside, and the man was gone. Suddenly, he herd a giant thud against the side of the house. Now he was really scared. Then there was another thud, and another, and another. It seemed to be coming from the door.
CRASH! The door popped right off it's hinges. Paralyzed, Jack watched the door crash on to the floor, and there he was. The man was standing in the doorway, with a knife in his hand. Jack ran faster than he ever had in his life. He ran through the kitchen and the living room, to get to the backdoor. Finally he reached the door, and opened it. The next thing that he saw scared him so freaking bad. The man was standing outside, smiling at him, with blood dripping from his chin. The man lunged at him, with his knife high in the the air, and-"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Jack screamed, and then he sat up in his bed.
"It was a dream", he said to himself. A little tensed up, he put some clothes on and walked downstairs for breakfast. "Hey mom, what's for breakfast?", Jack asked . No reply. Realization dawned on him. "This is what happened in my dream." he thought to himself. "No, it can't be." he said. "She probably just left for work early, that's all." Convinced and relaxed, he walked to the living room and plopped on to the sofa. He casually looked around and out the window. Jack froze. The man was standing outside, staring at him.
"Hey mom, what's for breakfast?", Jack asked. No reply. "Mom?", Jack said again. He searched the house. The basement, the bedroom, the living room, the back yard, but he didn't find her. Then he thought he'd check the front yard to see if her car was there. He opened the blinds, and he saw a man wearing boots, a leather jacket, pants, and the strangest thing of all, a mask. All of the man's clothes were black. It creeped him out a little, because the man was just standing there, not moving, staring at him, in the street.
He decided to call his mom, so he dialed the number on his cell phone, and she answered. No, it wasn't his mother, it was a man, laughing a slow, evil, laugh. That freaked him out. Then, Jack said to himself, in a low whisper, "What if that was the man outside". He chuckled a little, and then pushed the thought aside. He sat on the sofa. He looked outside, and the man was gone. Suddenly, he herd a giant thud against the side of the house. Now he was really scared. Then there was another thud, and another, and another. It seemed to be coming from the door.
CRASH! The door popped right off it's hinges. Paralyzed, Jack watched the door crash on to the floor, and there he was. The man was standing in the doorway, with a knife in his hand. Jack ran faster than he ever had in his life. He ran through the kitchen and the living room, to get to the backdoor. Finally he reached the door, and opened it. The next thing that he saw scared him so freaking bad. The man was standing outside, smiling at him, with blood dripping from his chin. The man lunged at him, with his knife high in the the air, and-"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Jack screamed, and then he sat up in his bed.
"It was a dream", he said to himself. A little tensed up, he put some clothes on and walked downstairs for breakfast. "Hey mom, what's for breakfast?", Jack asked . No reply. Realization dawned on him. "This is what happened in my dream." he thought to himself. "No, it can't be." he said. "She probably just left for work early, that's all." Convinced and relaxed, he walked to the living room and plopped on to the sofa. He casually looked around and out the window. Jack froze. The man was standing outside, staring at him.
That was amazing! I could literally see what everyone looked like! Maybe you could describe what the couch and the rest of the house looked like when you where running around. Other than that, it had a really good plot twist at the end and it just made the whole story better.
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing! I could literally see what everyone looked like! Maybe you could describe what the couch and the rest of the house looked like when you where running around. Other than that, it had a really good plot twist at the end and it just made the whole story better.
ReplyDeleteI liked it a lot! The plot was pretty good! One thing to consider is adding a couple more adjectives and detail to really bring out the fear of the moment as well. Other than that great job!
ReplyDeleteEEK! That was kind of scary... Okay, not kind of, REALLY scary. I loved how you described the characters because I could totally see them on my mind. You should describe what the house and maybe the mom looked like though. Other than that, your story really got to me I was kind of freaked out. GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteCreepy. Glad there was lots details. You should really continue this.
ReplyDeleteWhoaho! That literally had me on my toes! I hope i don't have nightmares tonight! I think the only thing you need to add is to describe what the character is thinking. That's all i caught! You did really great!
ReplyDeleteOk, after this one and Baylee's before, I feel like I am going to have nightmares! Excellent writing, I quite liked the transition from a dream to reality. The description is effective as a creepy piece. Looks like the others agree! Great work:)
ReplyDelete