In a doughnut shop far, far, away, there lived doughnut named Prunella. She was a chocolate prune filled doughnut that smelled of rotten fruit covered in slime. In fact, Prunella smelled so horrid that no human would ever choose her. Now, in the land of the donuts, it was a very great honor to get chosen by a human. No one knew what would happen when someone was chosen, they just assumed that it was something wonderful.
So, when a doughnut was chosen, everyone would say goodbye and they would have a celebration of choosing in which they would create a new doughnut flavor to replace the one that was chosen. Prunella had never been chosen, and probably never would be. Then one day, a lovely glazed doughnut named Gladius,, walked up to her. She had just been created when Nutty, a peanut butter filled, nut topped doughnut had been chosen. Gladius said, “What’s that smell, oh... I didn't see you there, Prunella.”
Prunella hated her already, and it had only been one day. She now considered Gladius her arch nemesis.
“What are you doing here, Gladius.” Prunella answered back.
“Nothing, just looking around,” she said, “I've only been here for a day and-”
Then, out of nowhere, came the hand.
Prunella had never actually seen it before, and she thought she was finally being picked. She tried to make herself a presentable as possible. Then she realized, the hand wasn't coming for her, it was here for Gladius.
“Of course” she thought. “Gladius is beautiful. How could no one pick her. I just wish they knew how rotten she was on the inside.”
Then, Prunella had an idea.
Right as the hand was about to grab Gladius, she would jump right in front of her, and switch her places. Although she wasn't supposed to be chosen, she would be, and everyone would celebrate the prune filled doughnut that was chosen. So right when the hand extended fully to grab Gladius, she pushed her out of the way. Gladius was shocked. Prunella was in the hand. She was so excited. Then when the human had realized that she had grabbed the wrong doughnut, she tossed Prunella right into the garbage. Her jealousy had been the end of her.
I really liked that the story was about something that people don't really think about. It made me think, "what if donuts had feelings too?" I thought that the story could have been more thought through a little bit more. The idea was really good though! Good job.
ReplyDeleteOh my! That was really funny. The only thing is at the beginning there were a few sentences you need to fix. But other that that. I really enjoyed your story. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteGood job. I liked your story a lot and enjoyed it . I would fix a couple grammar mistakes and add a few more sentences and details . Other than that great job Brinley.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I really like how you made the story based on jealousy and the consequences with it. I think you could have fixed a coupled of grammar errors though.
ReplyDeleteI like donuts! cool story! There were some grammar errors, but just a few.
ReplyDeleteIt has a great message! I love how it shows that jealously can become the best of you! Little grammer errors that i noticed. Other than that, it's GREAT!
ReplyDeleteLol! Seriously funny:) This would make an excellent children's book. It's a short, fun piece with a good message and I can see the illustrations in my head. As you revise, add more description about the look and smell of the personable doughnuts. This is super-creative: way to go!
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