The Hidden Child
I sat alone in the dark room. I didn’t know where I was. There was no light that could try to fight this darkness. I yelled out, but all I heard was an echo. An echo that brought great sadness upon me. I crawled around, but all I did was run into walls. It seemed as though there was no way out.
Just then a door flew open. A young maiden ran towards me. She was very beautiful. She had blonde hair, with the color of mud for eyes. “You must run” she whispered to me. But I couldn’t understand why. Me, being the stubborn girl I am, I had to ask what was happening. “She’s coming for you” the young maiden answered.
“Who?”
“The queen, young child.” As she said this, I wondered to myself, “Young child, why, I am the same age as you!” But as I looked at me from the light that welcomed me from the dark, I could see that I was only 8 years old. I was covered in dirt. I remember my old home in the country with my family. I wished I was there again.
“What’s going on” I practically yelled at the maiden.
“The queen wants you.”
“But why?”
I paused. I waited for an answer. I stared at the maiden, she started to look surprised.
“You don’t know?”
“How am I to know?”
“Don’t you know who you truly are?”
I gave her a glare, “If I were to know who I truly am, wouldn’t I say so.”
“Child, you are the future queen of England.”
“The future queen?” I yelled at her.
“Yes, young child.”
I stood there looking at the young maiden I started to recall old memories. As a young child my “mother” would say I was princess. I guess that was true. I was the daughter of Mary, Queen of Scots. But, she never had a daughter, all she had was sons. I asked the maiden why I am a girl, while Mary only had sons. She explained to me that I was taken away as a young child, no one knew of me, even the queen herself. Until now.
“Why must I run away?”
“You are not running away, you are running to your mother, she needs you, she has been searching for you for years!”
The young maiden started to pack my things, I realized I didn’t know her name.
“Young maiden, what is your name?”
“Elizabeth, now you must be quick. Run to you mother, for she needs you.”
I ran out the door, as I was close to the road, I remember I never thanked Elizabeth for everything she had done for me. I ran back to the house, but no one was there. I was left with many questions there, such as, “How do I get to my mother?”
I journed for many days, as I awoke to my 7th day of traveling, I saw something. A figure in the shadows. I called out. All I heard was a rustle in the bushes. I headed towards it, I saw a reflection from a blade or some kind of weapon. I stumble back. A man slid out. He stepped towards me. I started to run. As I was running I felt something hit my back, I fell to the ground. I couldn’t make a sound. I turned my head, I saw a blade sticking in my back. My back was covered in blood. I yanked out the blade. I stood up, even though I felt weak I needed to find the man who tried to kill me. Just as I felt like I was going to die, I saw him from the corner of my eye. I saw his face, I recognized it for a reason I knew not. I remember him from blurry memories. His name started to echo in my head. Robespierre, Robespierre, Robespierre. He was the man who took me away me, he took me away from my mother, my family, and my kingdom. I chucked the blade towards him, I needed him to know how I felt. I felt unlike me, I have never wanted to kill someone before. But all I knew is that I must make things right. I have never felt the need of revenge. He had taken me away from everything that was mine, The knife hit him in the head, he tried to run but he fell to the ground screaming out. I couldn’t do anything about now. I laid down. I needed to feel peaceful if I were to die, in less than a minute. I felt myself coming closer and closer to dying. My last dying breath turned into a faint laugh. “That poor man, he must be in great pain.”
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ReplyDeleteWOW! Nice job Em! I really enjoyed it. You did a really great job describing it. The only mistake I found was "I was princess" should've been "I was a princess". Other than that keep up the great work! I hope you add onto this! It's really great! :)
ReplyDeleteDAAAAANG! That was super good and sad at the same time. You are a very talented writer. The only mistake I saw was the one Audrey pointed out. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting story. I liked the ending where she gets revenge on the man, and I liked mysterious feeling of the story. But at the same time, I think it might have been a little to mysterious, and you could have provided a little more background information. Besides that, amazing job!
ReplyDeleteThe quick drama and suspense made this an extremely good story. The only mistake I could find was when you tried to say "he took me away", you said "he took me away me". Other than that this was a very excellent read.
ReplyDeleteUm...okay, nice job Emily, just looking at the title I knew you wrote it. I really liked how fast paced it was and everything going on. I couldn't see any mistakes but I think you could have made it a little more clear at the begging why they are hidden. Other than that it was great!
ReplyDeleteOk, that is another crazy and creepy (in a good way) story from Emily. The fast paced way the story moved along was really good. I think if you made it a little longer and explained Elizabeth better, I felt like I didn't know the main character well enough. But the ominous feel to it was great! Good job Emily.
ReplyDeleteHOLY COWS IN A FIELD!!!!! I had no ideas you could write that fantastic!! Can you make a book of that? It was funny because I just read a biography on Queen Elizabeth! I thought the whole thing was very suspenseful and moved along great! I agree with Seth, just don't say the "me" in "he took me away me". And say "I was "a" princess". Other than those few grammar errors, great job!!
ReplyDeleteLove your expression Aspen! Emily, this is fantastic. You know I'm a big fan of the time period and love all the Queen Elizabeth novels out there. I love your unique take on the story with an additional sibling that is hidden. You are a master of dialogue and mood, I am really enjoying this and hope you continue to flesh-it-out into a full length novel. Way to go!
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