Once upon a time there was a ragged old lady named Jadyn. She was a witch and possessed all the powers in the world. Nobody, but one person knows who she was before she was a witch. The king in the kingdom was very charming and kept the kingdom safe. No one knew who his wife was, she disappeared one day and nobody has seen her since.
Before the wife disappeared, the king and the queen had a child. A baby girl named Annie. Her beauty was great, she was not just a beautiful princess she was kind. The witch had given Annie the gift of kindness. Today was her 16 birthday.
Her only wish was to meet her mother and have a chance to talk to her. While Annie was riding on her horse in the woods, she met the witch name Jadyn. Annie had heard of the witch but had never met her until now. “What is your name?” Annie said. The witch replied “Jadyn, you look just like you did as a baby.” Annie was confused, but then brushed the thought away.
“Annie you’ve never met your mother have you.” Jadyn said.
Annie replied, “How did you know?”
“I am your mother.”
“WHAT?” Annie yelled.
“You don’t even look one bit like me. How could you be my mother?” Jadyn then took out a magic wand and transformed herself into a beautiful queen. Annie could then see the resemblance between them. They rushed to the castle to tell the king what had happened.
They barged through the castle doors and rushed the queen to the king. The king recognized Jadyn immediately and rushed towards her. They shared a long loving hug. The queen was then recrowned queen of Atlantia. Everything became the same.
And they lived happily ever after!!
Good start but it felt really rushed to me and there is very little description. However, I love the idea of the story and the twist at the end. I'd like for you to back through and just concentrate on one part of the story and add a lot of vivid details--what are the characters seeing, feeling, smelling, hearing, etc. Thanks Lucy!
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