Friday, December 12, 2014

    The Ghost Orchestra - Revised for December

      I was walking home from school one day when I heard a strange sound. It was some kind of music. It sounded old and faint. I started following it to see where it was coming from. I rushed into a field just outside of a forest. I soon reached the forest and stopped near the closest tree.The music seemed louder now. The trees were gnarled and evil-looking. I calmed my nerves and stepped into the cool darkness of the forest.  I

      I trotted through the trees, quietly listening to the music. I followed the music for hours, waiting for something other than trees. Suddenly, I heard a faint rumbling noise. It was growing louder, and seemed to be coming this way! I stopped and scanned the trees. I saw a strange white glow. I yelled and dove out of the way. When I hit the ground, I saw something pass very quickly. I got onto all fours and looked at the strange thing. It looked like an old horse carriage, traveling in the direction we were going.

     Stunned, I sprinted after the horse carriage. How could it be going through the trees, I thought as I dodged thick trees. The music was growing louder and louder. I could now see an old mansion.
It was run-down and brown and green with mold. There was a tree growing through the roof. It looked two-story. The windows were boarded up. The ghost carriage was parked outside. It was quite beautiful. I stealthily crept to the front of the carriage. What I saw shocked me.

     The two horses were nothing but skeletons! I started to scream, but remembered that these things were ghosts, and would probably maul me.. I had just stepped out of the way when the horses took off. We walked up to the door and opened it. Inside was a party! Glowing people in fancy dresses and tuxes were dancing with their backs turned to me.In the back was a large orchestra. That's was was causing the eerie music. I walked up to one of the ladies and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned around, I screamed! Her face was a white skull!

     We charged out of the house and whipped around. Dozens of fancy ghosts ran right trough the wall! I started sprinting through the trees. In the dark, every limb looked like a skeleton. The mob was right behind us, and their glow enabled me to see. My legs were exhausted, so they gave out. I skidded on the dirt, bounced off a root and soared into the field. As I lay on my face, eating dirt, I waited for cold white hands to grasp me. When nothing grabbed me, I got up and looked at the trees. The ghosts couldn't get through. So, feeling relieved and exhausted, I marched home. That is a true story that I made up.
          THE END  

2 comments:

  1. I really liked it! I liked how creative you were and how you totally made it fun and easy to read. There were many good things about it, but my favorite thing you would do with this story is how creative you were. But I think you could be a little bit more descriptive. But all in all it was awesome.

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  2. I love this piece--really spooky and fun to read. To take it up a notch, take the "I" out some, it's repeated a lot in the beginning. Focus more on rich sensory description (what did you feel, see, hear, smell, taste, etc.) and add simile and metaphor to add depth to your writing. Excellent writing!

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