Remember
By: Braden Christensen
I always like to remember
Although it is sometimes quite hard,
I sometimes forget that my dog’s name is Ember
I once got to remember, Ember playing in the yard,
But that was very long ago
and I am beginning to lose it all,
It almost like my memory
is still hanging on only by just a little thread
now I am laying on my bed
with Ember on my head,
I just wish I could remember ever so much more
not sure what happened at the end
ReplyDeletethis is an interesting poem, and I really like the rhymes in it as well. However, it is kind of confusing and throws me off about halfway through it, so I would suggest making it slightly longer.
ReplyDeleteI liked it, but it sounded a little like Doctor Sues. But other that that it great.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a very good poem. You made it sound very professional and I liked it a lot. I think if you were a little bit more descriptive, then it would be an improvement. But it was a good poem.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot. I think you could have just described what the feeling was like, having Ember around, but other than that, it was very catchy and I liked the sound of it!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the rhythm of your poem. It sounded like a professional poem person wrote it. I know I'm not a poet at all, but I think it might sound a little better if at the beginning of the poem you said, "Although it's sometimes hard" instead of "Although it is sometimes quite hard." Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this poem. I agree with everyone, it did sound like a professional poet wrote it. I think you could've been a little more descriptive, and taken out the "quite" on the second line, it kind of threw me off. You did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteGood rhyming--it sounds a lot like it did before. It totally works as a poem, just expand it more. Give a back story and use rich sensory detail (what you could see, hear, smell, touch and feel.). Looking forward to another revisions!
ReplyDeleteThis is really good, I loved how you expressed how you feel about your dog Ember. I think if you add a little more description on how you felt when you would have Ember around you. Other than that good job!
ReplyDelete