Journey To The Center Of The Earth

Part 2

(I highly recommend you read part 1 right now or else this will be even more confusing, and that's saying something.)

“So how are we going to do this if we can only eat 72 faucets a day.” asked Mr. Dude as they went to the bottom of the hole.

“Well you could let me have some faucets.”

“No, I am not letting you have any of my faucets.”

“There is that new thing that came out that makes it so days go by as soon as you eat 72 faucets.”

“…Uh, what? Seriously?”

“No! Of course not! How stupid are you?”

Mr. Dude’s pencil showed an alert. “New device that makes days go by as soon as you eat 72 faucets.”

“…What? Did that just happen? That has to be the most-“

“Oh that, I invented that last night when you were dead.”

“I am not falling for another of your-“

“It was invented by the genius inventor named Mr. Eraser.” said the pencil.

“So you’re saying I can eat 3888 faucets nonstop.”

“Yep.”

So Mr. Dude ate tons and tons of faucets and finally passed the mantle layer. They then entered the outer core. Only 2200 miles to go.

“And now it’s boring again.” said Mr. Eraser.

“One more mile to go before it’s fun again.”

“You can make some homemade faucets right here and now because we are surrounded by nickel and iron.”

So they made homemade faucets.

“These faucets are officially the more terribleness faucets I have ever eaten.”

“They are super terribleness, and so is the properest grammar in the engrish ranguage.”

The pencil showed another alert. “The faucet company has made a new law that says you can only use the new faucet eating invention 54 times max.”

“NOOOOOOOOO! That stupid faucet company.”

“And if I were you,” the pencil said, “I would use that 55 times if I got a Klondike bar, and good news, they have faucet flavor Klondike bars now.And then Mr. Dude realized something. They forgot to use their homemade faucets to go further, but they still counted as eating faucets.

“Oh no, we ate eight faucets, hopefully we can still make it.”

So they ate more and more faucets, and found the inner core. Everything was solid except the hole they are in.

“800 miles to go.” Exclaimed Mr. Dude.

They ate more and more faucets until they are eight tenths a mile from the center, but they ate exactly all the faucets they could eat that day.

“So close…” said Mr. Dude.

“I can’t wait another day. I just can’t.”

Then a bunch of police with pickle hats came down.

“You are under arrest because the faucet company says so.”

“You’ll never take us alive!” yelled Mr. Dude while he ate .8th a faucet. The center of the Earth opened up and revealed a half-eaten pretzel. The police were sent to Oblivion because the pretzel said so.

“Welcome to the center of the Earth. I will now summon The Resisty.” And The Resisty was enlarged and unexploded, the reversed version of the shrink self-destruct. “Now Resisty, this is your chance to escape. Also, Mr. Dude now possesses the power to take over the faucet company.”

“Alright I’ve been thinking,” said the captain of the Resisty. “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, make life, take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your dang lemons! What am I supposed to with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day, it thought it could give The Resisty lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the Lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! Also I want The Resisty to be called The Pirate Monkeys for now on.”

The Pirate Monkeys boarded their spaceship and flew out, followed by Mr. Dude and Mr. Eraser.

The Pirate Monkeys exited the hole in the grocery store and started shooting lasers at the new atmosphere. It started breaking and falling down on the Earth like a chain reaction. The molten iron and nickel fell everywhere on North America, except Canada, which didn't get harmed at all. The Earth had been ruined by all the rocks, metals, lava, and molten metals. Mr. Dude went to the destroyed faucet company and claimed his rightful place as owner. Sadly Mr. Eraser got put back into the Monopoly box. But in the distance you can see the Pirate Monkeys flying off into space. This was the news on Rockvember 1, 4200.

“Yesterday was a great day for all, as the faucet company was made good again. Mr. Dude, head of the faucet company got rid of the old stupid rules, and is letting anyone eat any amount of faucets they want. He is also going to cause the world to reach absolute zero, causing candy wrappers to fall down on everyone.”