The Demon of Avalanche Pass
Tomas slowly walked through the snowy forest towards the cabin. It was a cold, dark night on the slopes of Avalanche Pass. He could feel eyes on him as he made his way to his friend's cabin. Tomas was worried for one reason. Legend has it that a hunting party was traveling through the pass when they were attacked by a snow-white demon. The party was trudging through the pass when the heard the guttural growling behind them. The last member of the party whipped around and found himself looking into the red, bloodshot eyes of the demon. Only one man made it away from the pass, and he claims that he ran into the demon again several years later. He saw it wearing the pieces of the hunting party on it's body, bound by ice and snow. So, Tomas was nervous. Suddenly, he heard a howl of an animal not far off. He quickened his pace a little bit. Tomas stared into the trees. He hoped he would not see anything. But as he looked back, he could see a large beast slowly walking toward him. Tomas started running at full speed. He panted as he strained against the wind. Looking back, he could not see the demon anymore. Relieved, he walked to his friend's cabin. But when he got there, the door was slightly ajar. Tomas walked in to the cabin and was never heard from again.
I really like your story!! The detail and description was amazing. I honestly wouldn't change anything about it. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThat was probably one of the scariest things I've ever read. The description was awesome, the plot was awesome, it was just great. But, I think you could make it into more that one paragraph and made it a bit longer. That was horrifyingly awesome.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story!!! It was very descriptive and I liked unusual words you used. However, I recommend that you read your story out loud because I think I may have found a few mistakes. Overall, great job!!!
ReplyDeleteThat....was....awesome!!!!!! It was so terrifying. If I have nightmares, at least I know who to blame. The only thing I have to mention is to look it over and make sure the grammar is correct! Other than that.....I just hope I don't have a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteMan! I'm not going to be able to read this stuff before bed:) Really good plot and imagery. I'm curious if this would from a dream or something. To revise, flesh-it-out--tell more of the story and more description. Love the creativity here: well done!
ReplyDelete